Without going off and doing some research, as far as I’m aware, the rule used to be that the Bride’s family paid for her wedding.
Great news for anyone who’s just got sons ey?! 😉
I’m not sure when this tradition
started to phase out, or even if it was ever actually upheld by anyone other than the wealthy, but to me it’s really quite bizarre. Especially in the modern world. What happens if there’s two brides? Or two grooms?
Myself and Ste both have jobs, we live in our house together and we have our savings. We buy the things we want and expect no help from anyone else, but we know our family would always be there to support us if hard times fell. I think I’ve just described most couples!
It was never an option, nor a thought even, to expect my family to foot the bill for our wedding.
It wasn’t until we stared planning and booking that people began saying things like “Aren’t you glad you’re paying for this yourself?!”. I realised having your wedding wholly or partially funded by someone else is both a blessing and a curse.
Yes there’s little or no financial stress and you’re not the one constantly worrying about the budget. You can use your money for other things like a house deposit or a stellar honeymoon. Half the problems that crop up for the wedding aren’t your problem. Who cares if the caterer just added an extra £500 for nicer linen? No big deal if the harpist is charging an extra £100 to learn the song you want.
But the curse sets in when you find yourself disagreeing with the budget holder. If your family have kindly offered to foot the bill they will expect some kind of input. Yeah it depends on personality types but doubtless they will still want a say on who is invited, where the wedding is and what they are eating on the day. Even if family members are just making a contribution, they’re likely to have an idea of where they’d like their money to be spent. That is a lot of pressure. Your family handing you hundreds or thousands of their hard earned or hard saved cash, all to help towards one day. £500 from your Gran was spent on the singer that everyone will enjoy but £500 from your Aunt was the damage waiver for the venue. Conversation killer.
I know I’m stereo typing but the point I’m trying to make is that, while we would all love a helping hand with the costs of a wedding, it’s never that straight forward!
I feel for the bride with the pushy mum/aunt/sister interfering all the time just as much as I feel for the bride with no help/input who is likely to wrack up some debt for the wedding of her dreams.
It’s so easy to say the words “It’s YOUR wedding do what YOU want” but in reality it’s a whole different story.
Regardless of who’s paying for your wedding or who is planning it,You will offend people unintentionally and people will offend you unintentionally.
Best advice I have is to just crack on and remind yourself that the only person stopping you enjoying your day is you.
Lots of love :)